Have you ever walked out of a store with a bargain that did not live up to expectations?Rod Duke, the Aussie rich lister behind some of New Zealand's biggest retailers - and a failed bidder for Kathmandu - knows how you feel.
Last year Duke acquired two adjoining clifftop sites in Auckland's well-heeled Herne Bay for $NZ13 million, and proceeded to build a new mansion on the waterfront site with panoramic views.
The plans sound quite spectacular.
Local gossip has it that the boatshed will become a "major entertainment venue" while the ground floor of the mansion is being dubbed the "TAB", with an appropriate mix of gambling and sports entertainment.
Even better, Duke was planning to put a James Bond-style helicopter landing pad on the revamped boatshed with a retractable roof to give the chopper somewhere to land. Yes, the neighbours are already kicking up a fuss over the thought of a helicopter hovering over what is a popular city beach.
But Duke's plans have run into a more significant hurdle.
Duke has lodged Environment Court proceedings against Auckland Council as part of a battle over helicopter landing rights for his new waterfront mansion.
The problem appears to be that Duke will only be allowed three helicopter landings a week. His neighbours are allowed six.
"There's a whole bunch of people on that particular coast who have landing rights for six flights a week," grumbled Duke to the local press.
"That's manifestly unfair. We have tried and tried and tried and tried with the council," he said.
Talk about first world problems. And poor Duke does not even own his own helicopter - he has to hire one to feed his golfing habit.
"I have got a golf membership up the coast. I don't want to have to drive to Onehunga," he said referring to the base for the charter chopper operation he uses.
Maybe the Adelaide-born Duke can hit up his old home town for a submarine instead. Or, in his case, go the full James Bond and get a car with the submarine option.
Low Lowy
There was little time for sentiment as Westfield co-CEO Peter Lowy set about the arduous task of talking to analysts about the biggest corporate takeover in Australian history.
Macquarie's Rob Freeman dared ask how they came to the "compelling" $10 bid price.
"Okay Rob. I know you asked the guys that question this morning and they asked you - and they told you to ask me so here we go," said Lowy, who obviously won't miss analyst calls.
Freeman tempted fate one last time.
Freeman: Thank you and then just in terms of your own intentions Peter and also Steven, in the absence of this transaction were you guys planning to continue as co-CEOs? Were you looking at sort of stepping away from executive roles in any event?
Peter Lowy: I'm sorry, that's irrelevant. We've built this company. We've been here for 33 years and where we would have been or not been is just irrelevant.
And we will miss you too Peter.
Summer notes
It's that time of year, and Shayne Elliott's ANZ Group is wheeling out its literary lions to provide their summer reading lists via its media behemoth, BlueNotes.
And just to show off what a hotbed of innovation ANZ has become, they have digitally disrupted the traditional reading list with a multimedia list of recommended things to read, watch and listen to, over the break.
Chairman David Gonski sets a high bar, recommending the play Oslo, which was performed at the Lincoln Centre in New York. Which, aside from the considerable expense, seems to miss the point of the whole exercise given the play ended its run during the US summer break.
Elliott, who is still busy breaking up Mike Smith's ANZ empire - recommended a book about the break up of another great realm.
The Last Empire, by Serhii Plokhy, tells of the disruption and end of the Soviet Bloc. And Elliott has an anecdote that only a frequently airborne master of the universe could provide.
He was reading the book on a flight in the US when someone leant over and asked if he was enjoying it.
"Yes it's excellent. Have you read it?" asked Elliott.
"No, I wrote it," said his fellow passenger.
If looking for a great present for the holidays, don't overlook one of my favourite crime books of the year. Sarah Bailey has delivered a real page turner with The Dark Lake. I will be buying a few for my friends! (Or if looking for a great book for ~12 yr olds, choose "Wonder") pic.twitter.com/DnXNkL3dNQ??? Shayne Elliott (@ElliottShayne) November 27, 2017
ANZ director, and Tabcorp chairwoman, Paula Dwyer revealed one of her guilty pleasures is listening to BBC4 and Melbourne's community radio station Triple R on TuneIn Radio.
The most hilarious account goes to the irrepressible ANZ director and man about town, Warwick Smith, who recommends Crocs in the Cabinet, a book about Northern Territory politics.
"I was once a federal minister for the Northern Territory which was hilarious as I am from Tasmania and had never heard of the place back then," says Smith by way of introduction.
"Their politics were really tough and crocs were humans - never in suits and most often in shorts and thongs."
Bank Shorts
CBD also hears that ANZ is being heavily shorted, and management is to blame.The confluence of summer, and ANZ's new "anything goes" dress code - which is designd to encourage staff to bring their "authentic selves" to work - has triggered a wave of shorts and bare legs at its Melbourne HQ.
Can't you just see our favourite Kiwi Elliott in shorts and singlet, channelling his inner Fred Dagg.
Follow CBD on Twitter. Got a tip? ckruger@fairfaxmedia.com.au
