Tristan Look is a broken man.
The 33-year-old from Waroona sat in a Perth courtroom last week hoping for justice.
But he didn’t get it.
Instead, he watched the man who brutally molested him for five years of his childhood walk free on a suspended sentence.
And if he was angry before this judgement, today he is raging.
Waiving his right to identity protection, Mr Look says he has nothing more to lose.
He wants his abuser named.
Steven Ferraro, 43, pleaded guilty to four counts of horrific sexual abuse against Mr Look last year.
The charges related to a series of molestations perpetrated by the older man on his much younger cousin in the early 1990s.
Crimes with a maximum prison term of 20 years saw Ferraro leave Perth District Court on a suspended sentence last Thursday.
If he keeps his nose clean for the next two years he is off the hook.
The nightmare never ends for Mr Look, however, who referred to the sentencing as “f***ing bull***”.
“I can’t get over this,” he said.
“This guy molested me over the course of five years.
“Him going to jail was supposed to be my justice.
“The legal system protected him and treated me like a criminal.
“Where’s the justice?”
Mr Look said failing to imprison his “depraved predator” showed the justice system had a “broken moral compass”.
While Ferraro’s defence was littered with psychological reports citing his intellectual disability and lack of maturity at the time of offending, it was Mr Look who said he was dragged through the wringer under police examination.
“I have been scrutinised and interrogated every single step of the way,” he said.
“At every point my story is questioned, gets broken down, gets dismissed and put under a magnifying glass.
“Why can’t I provide dates and times?
“Why didn’t I stop it sooner?
“Why am I making trouble now?
“I didn’t know as a seven-year-old getting molested by a family member that I was meant to be keeping a diary."
- Tristan Look.
“I didn’t know as a seven-year-old getting molested by a family member that I was meant to be keeping a diary.
“I didn’t know I was meant to be documenting it all.
“I was too busy being petrified.”
For more than 20 years Mr Look said he kept the shame and horror of his experiences hidden.
By his own admission he destroyed himself with drugs and alcohol.
He cannot hold down a job.
He has “constant anxiety, post traumatic stress, depression, anger, bitterness”.
He said he cannot love properly and cannot function sexually.
On more than a few occasions he has tried to kill himself.
“I kept this heavy weight around my neck and let it drag me to the pits of hell,” Mr Look said.
“I am triggered by every little thing.
“I get a life sentence that never leaves me.”
Mr Look urged victims of sexual abuse to speak up.
“Please love yourselves,” he said.
“Don’t be like me and destroy yourself – speak up.
“Please speak up.
“Don’t let the fact that I was let down by the legal system stop you from coming forward.
“Don’t let anyone else feel like I feel; feel how bad I feel for the rest of my life.”
If you or anyone you know needs help, call Lifeline on 13 11 14.
