Oh Warnie, you little bewdy.
Don't listen to the do-gooders. Don't listen to what they're saying on Twitter or Instagram or even Tinder. Don't go changin', except for those eyes, which seem to be changin' by the minute but that's another story for another time.
If you want to ask Australian players in the exciting aftermath to their World Cup victory over New Zealand just how blotto, how sideways, how hammered they will be getting tonight, you go right ahead.
Good areas, Shane. Good areas. That's all that matters. And the best area right now is the bar with my drinking team. And it was me, Jack Daniels, and my homie Jim Beam.
Because Australian cricket, it seems, has now been fully restored to its former glory, to a time when our players didn't worry about skinfolds and ice baths and transcendental meditation and they drank beer, like men, and danced in victory with stumps above their heads.
If any side deserved a little tipple or two (dozen), it was this Australian team, although we'd hope they went for something more masculine than Warnie's preferred poison of a Midori and lemonade. A low-carb beer at least.
Australia has won the World Cup, and while they were at Black Caviar-like odds for much of the tournament - save for that little blip against New Zealand at Eden Park - we shouldn't forget what the side went through to do so.
The last time most of these players gave alcohol a serious nudge came in early December, in the bar at the Macksville Ex-Servicemen's Club.
It was the wake for Phillip Hughes. Some of the players, including captain Michael Clarke, were raising a Red Bull and vodka in honour of their "little brother".
I remember that night vividly, not least a conversation with Glenn Maxwell, who was doing it especially tough in the hours after his close friend had been laid to rest.
At that point, nobody knew what influence Hughes' tragic death - after a bouncer struck him in the head during a Shield match - would have on the Australian cricket side for the rest of the summer. Nobody knew if players would take the field again in a hurry, let alone in the next Test. The World Cup seemed an eternity away.
As the summer unfolded, though, Hughes' death sparked a determination and resolve in many players.
Dave Warner's form in the Test series against India readily comes to mind, but when Maxwell brilliantly ran out Kiwi bowler Tim Southee with a direct hit in the final at the MCG on Sunday night, ending New Zealand's innings, it was impossible to forget how far he'd come since those emotional scenes at Macksville Ex-Servo's four months earlier.
Australia has won this World Cup, too, amid tempestuous scenes surrounding Clarke in the lead-up to the tournament.
All concerned have played down reports that Clarke was at war with Cricket Australia officialdom over his injured hamstring. You'd expect them to say that.
The fact remains Clarke had told many he was prepared to publicly blowtorch his superiors if he failed the strict fitness tests that had been set for him to play in this World Cup.
His announcement the day before the final that he would be quitting one-day cricket after the match typically attracted criticism. He also ensured there would be no angry showdowns in September with selectors when the next one-day squad is named.
There is a belief that Clarke suffers from the same Kath and Kim syndrome of his good mate Warne. Look at moi. Look at moooooooi.
He said the final wasn't about him, it's about the team, while making it about himself.
In reality, there is never a perfect time to announce a retirement.
Steve Waugh's final Test, against India at the SCG, was essentially a testimonial. In 2006, Warne, Justin Langer and Glenn McGrath, announced retirements during an Ashes campaign.
Nobody blinked. Some cried. The criticism of Clarke reflects how much he still polarises opinion.
The upshot is that Clarke can now rest his body ahead of the final chapter of his tumultuous if not intriguing career: an Ashes win on English soil would cap it perfectly.
Not that long ago, a Gabba crowd once booed Clarke. On Sunday, an MCG crowd booed Shane Watson.
After he was dropped for the match against Afghanistan, his one-day career seemed over. Whether Watson should have played or not at least provided something to talk about during a tournament that was and remains preposterously long.
There were some intriguing games and moments, but it was silenced for weeks until the quarter-finals, when the result actually meant something.
The International Cricket Council, so beholden to the riches on offer from Indian television broadcast rights, has ensured it will be no different at the next World Cup in England in 2019.
The tournament will go for six weeks again, but the number of competing teams will be reduced from 14 to 10. Simply more ICC greed.
But for now, that's another story, for another time.
Australia have won. They are thirsty. Now if someone can find Shane Keith Warne, he's wanted at the bar. It's his shout.
