FREE TO AIR
Giggle & Hoot, ABC2, 7am
Ah, James Rees - that's Giggle to the under-fives - making morning TV viewing a little easier on the eyes for harried mums. This morning, Giggle and Hoot set sail on a pirate ship - the most piratey of all pirate ships - to help Hoot's great uncle, the famous Piratey Pirate Hootbeard, find his missing treasure and regain his mighty ''yaar''. At least I think that's what's going on. The pre-school set won't mind what the plot is - it's colourful, it's fast-paced and there's a catchy song at the end that finishes with a rousing ''hoot yaar''.
The Bold and the Beautiful, SC Ten, 4.30pm
The Bold and the Beautiful, where little actually changes - aside from spouses - over the decades. This week though, a new cast member makes her debut, and it's none other than Australian actress Ashleigh Brewer. Logie winner Brewer was, of course, Paul Robinson's niece Kate in Neighbours until her untimely death this year. Now she's landed a juicy new gig in the glossy US soapie as another niece, this time patriarch Eric Forrester's Australian niece Ivy, a young and worldly fashion designer. Today is only her second episode but it surely can't be too many more until Ivy is deeply embroiled in the love lives of the younger Forrester generation.
Frisky Business, SBS2, 9.20pm
There was a time when Friday night was traditionally family movie night. Friday nights are now all about the sex, a least on SBS. This documentary series takes us behind the scenes of Britain's biggest sex toy company, Lovehoney. Tonight we get an insight into the company's returns department. And yes, the returned toys have often been used. Buyers have a year to send sex toys back to the company. Shudder. No wonder the workers in this department all have a ready supply of surgical gloves in their top drawers. Owners Richard and Neal are also readying the company for their expansion into Australia and have been analysing sex-toy buying trends in each state, which provides an eye-opening local angle. Tasmanians are into the double ''strapless strap on'', Brisbane buys ''all things anal'' and penis pumps are most popular in Sydney. The best parts are actually the asides in the background - the Customer Care department offers advice such as, ''Ooh no, I wouldn't try inserting it anally''. You have been warned.
Kylie Northover
PAY TV
Hell on Wheels, FX, 7.30pm
We return to find Cullen Bohannon (Anson Mount) wanting out of the Mormon compound but The Swede (Christopher Heyerdahl) has other ideas.
Episodes, UKTV, 8.30pm
Episodes is one of the most inspired and consistently funny comedies of recent years, so it's surprising it hasn't won more fans. Perhaps it's the Matt LeBlanc factor. Viewers who spent a decade watching - or avoiding - LeBlanc playing an amiable dufus on Friends and Joey might be disinclined to tune in for what they imagine to be more of the same. If so, that's a pity because this is a different LeBlanc - one who has won a Golden Globe for playing himself. Anyway, British screenwriters Sean and Beverly Lincoln (Stephen Mangan and Tamsin Greig) came to Hollywood to work on the American remake of their much-loved sitcom. They watched in horror as it was dumbed down and the lead role given to the smug, selfish LeBlanc, and then they broke up and slept with other people (including LeBlanc). As this third season begins Sean and Beverly are on the verge of getting back together, but network boss Merc Lapidus (John Pankow) has lost his job and his wife - the latter to LeBlanc. The sharply written episode keeps spinning the merry-go-round on which everybody gets a chance to be the bad guy.
Brad Newsome
MOVIES
27 Dresses (2007), SC Ten, 8.30pm
Thanks to her role in the loopy medical melodrama Grey's Anatomy and a controlled turn in Judd Apatow'sKnocked Up, Katherine Heigl found herself ready to assume the poisoned chalice that was Julia Roberts' crown as the queen of the romantic comedy. A physically imposing figure who nonetheless, like Roberts or Reese Witherspoon, didn't exude a sexual energy, she made 27 Dresses, written by Aline Brosh McKenna and directed by Anne Fletcher, which positioned her as the put-upon runner-up in love who had been a bridesmaid 27 times. Weddings as an idealised summit are a romantic comedy staple, and here it's a comically unobtainable goal that has morphed Heigl's Jane: she's in love with her boss (Ed Burns) but won't reveal her feelings, even when her younger sister (Malin Akerman) moves in on him. The catalyst is James Marsden as a cynical reporter forced to cover weddings - his deft, likeable performance has a hint of the young James Stewart to it.
Body Heat (1981), Thriller Movies (pay TV), 6.35pm
In rapid succession at the beginning of the 1980s, Lawrence Kasdan somehow wrote The Empire Strikes Back,Raiders of the Lost Ark and, finally as his directorial debut, this languidly charged recreation of classic film noir. ''I'm a married woman,'' declares Kathleen Turner's Matty Walker, the wife of a wealthy older businessman, the first time she's approached by William Hurt's prowling lawyer, Ned Racine. ''Meaning what?'' he asks. ''Meaning I'm not looking for company,'' she replies. ''Then you should have said, 'I'm a happily married woman','' he points out, and from that point their affair, him pursuing her until desire becomes an insatiable pleasure, unfolds with tight plotting and an obvious affection for Billy Wilder's Double Indemnity. Ned has shortcomings as a lawyer, and the sense that he's in over his head occurs to the audience before him, making for a fascinating performance that includes him calling on a client, Mickey Rourke's memorable arsonist Teddy, for professional advice.
Craig Mathieson
