WHAT KATY DID the column from Mandurah Mail deputy editor Kate Hedley.
Kate divides her time between filing crime reports in Mandurah and sunning herself on George Clooney's yacht in Monte Carlo.
She will almost certainly never be Mother of the Year, but is in with a chance for the Miss Universe title once she decides which planet to represent.
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I’VE been getting a sinking feeling lately.
And when I say this, I mean it quite literally.
Overnight, a hole the size of a dining room table opened up in my backyard.
It is about a metre deep and almost perfectly round.
I know what it is.
It’s the mouth of hell opening up, ready to swallow me, my child, my car and my home.
I’ve read all about sinkholes.
I know what causes them, and I know how to fill them in.
But if this thing gets much bigger – and it is growing by the day – I will need to truck soil in by the tonne to do the job.
And what if this is just the beginning?
What if by the end of next week my property resembles a mini-golf course for giants?
You’re likely to get a hole in one.
You’re also likely to end up in one.
It has occurred to me that the hole may lead to buried treasure.
But it has also crossed my mind that something more serious could be at the bottom of the hole.
Like China.
With a bit more time and slippage it’s entirely possible I could order my sweet and sour pork simply by yelling into my backyard.
I have been advised to stay away from the gaping hole, but I’m fascinated by it.
It could be the gateway to a parallel universe inhabited by inner-earthlings.
It could hold the secret to the meaning of life and universal secrets unknown.
Of course, it could also hold a whole heap of snail pellets and worms.
But I’m in no rush to fix it.
I figure the bigger it gets, the more I save on swimming pool installation.
With the hole already dug all I need to do is fill it in with water and start charging an entry fee to the neighbourhood kids.
Who knows, with all the money I make I may be able to double my takeaway and get China to send through the beef and blackbean, too.
